Pregnancy and the postpartum period are times full of emotion. I knew this before becoming pregnant with my first and second. As a Lactation Consultant, I had been given hundreds of glimpses into a woman's postpartum experience. Still, there was something that I went through directly after the birth of each of my children that I had not been prepared for. Something nobody in my circles had talked about. An intense feeling that blindsided me not once- but twice!

I had been longing for children years before we actually welcomed our daughter (now almost 4!!! what?!) into the world. During that time I was busy with my studies both in Naturopathic Medicine and Lactation Medicine, excited by where I was, but yearning to expand our family. That impatient feeling whenever I saw a pregnant mama and felt, “I wish I was her right now!” was boiling to a level that began to feel unbearable! My partner and I agreed that we would wait until my studies were over because it made the most sense realistically for both of us.  

You can imagine, then, that I was beyond excited when I found out we were expecting our first years later and I did everything I could to prepare for the road ahead. I slept in as much as I could, went on dates with my partner, saw movies in the theatre. I knew life was about to change in a big way but felt I was more than ready to embrace it all.  Fast forward to Day 4 postpartum. It really began to sink in that we were now a family of 3, not 2. I was in love with the beautiful little girl in my arms but as I held her I began to feel this overwhelming sense of loss. Loss? What?! I had dreamed of this day for years!  But the pit in my stomach was there along with a deep pain- mourning the relationship I had had with my partner. We were no less committed or connected on that day, in fact we were probably more committed and connected than ever... but I missed him. Even with him right beside me I missed him so much it physically hurt. The relationship had instantly changed, it had to.  Things would never be the same because suddenly we were now not each other’s “only” and this was something that I honestly had not expected to feel after the baby was born with all the excitement, anticipation, and build up. 

With transitions come the unexpected. 

When my second pregnancy came along, I could not wait to give my daughter a sibling and all through my pregnancy I kept thinking of how amazing it was going to be to see her as a big sister.  What hit me on Day 4 this time around, which I absolutely was not expecting was again this deeply painful feeling of loss. This time though, it had nothing to do with my partner. I was mourning my relationship with my daughter. She would no longer be my “only”. My baby. I just could not hold her close enough and believe me I tried. I found myself wishing “we had done more together”, wondering if I had really made her feel special? Had I given her enough of me before she now had to share me? Don’t get me wrong I was beyond thrilled with our newest addition, in fact his birth was the most empowering experience of my life.  So I really had not anticipated this feeling that something had died again. 

There was no hiding the tears that would follow. And so she got to see me cry, and cry hard for a good few days. I got to explain that sometimes people cry because they are sad and sometimes people cry because they are happy- and that I was just so incredibly happy that I get to be her mama.

It might sound dark to say that in birth there is death, but this has been one of my realizations becoming a parent.  It’s unavoidable and part of the transition. We forever change, relationships forever change. I guess the fact that we mourn means we have things in our life to celebrate- for that I am beyond grateful. Accepting, processing, and moving through the hurt is something we just have to do as we look forward with an optimistic hope while treasuring the moments of the past.

​In health,
Laura

There is a lot going on during the first week of a new baby's life! Between the sleep deprivation we experience as parents and the work sometimes needed to get feeding established, it's a good thing the little one's are so darn cute!  It's an important time for everyone as the baby starts to orient to their new surroundings and their caregivers begin to bond and respond. Breastfeeding becomes this new skill that both the baby and the parents need to learn to do together.  For some the process unfolds without much effort, while for others it takes a lot more work and perseverance before things feel on track.

The first week is an especially important time as we want to make sure meconium passes out of the baby's system, that they remain well hydrated, and that they can start gaining weight when expected.  So how can we tell if breastfeeding is going well in that first week? Well, the most important thing we need to remember is that we can't rely on the numbers alone to tell us if things are going well. 

"He's feeding 10 times a day so things must be ok!"

"She's on for 50 minutes each time so she must be getting lots!"

"He's lost almost 10% of his birthweight so you should start topping up with formula"

I have heard these comments over and over again in my years supporting families.  And while numbers can be helpful in the overall assessment, they by themselves don't give us enough information.

​Numbers can give us a false sense of security or be a cause for unnecessary intervention. This is something Dr. Jack Newman and his team have been educating families on for years. The number of feeds, length of feedings, and the % weight loss don't tell us if a baby is feeding well at the breast. We need to look at the baby and see whether they are actually drinking or not and then manage the feeding to support the baby's drinking.  This is done by using breast compressions and switching breasts when the baby is no longer drinking. The clock and scale have nothing to do with that part. 

​Looking for a motion in the jaw where the chin drops down deeper and pauses before coming back up again tells us a mouthful of milk was swallowed.  This is much easier to understand by seeing it in person or by watching a video.  The International Breastfeeding Centre has some great videos of what "drinking" looks like so check it out if you need to. 

The number of diapers (pees, poos, and their colour) are more reflective of what is actually going in, and for that reason, are important to be aware of in that first week.  Check out the chart below - for any parents to be out there, it will give you some guidance.  (It was made in collaboration with two lovely women and fellow IBCLCs, Ashley Pickett and Kristi Prince).

Of course when in doubt or if you need assistance, reach out to your local Lactation Consultant!

In health,
​Laura